Planning an inclusive wedding in Vermont should mean creating a day that reflects your relationship instead of trying to fit into traditions that were never designed with every couple in mind.

For LGBTQ+ couples, that can include everything from choosing affirming wedding vendors and deciding how you want to walk down the aisle to navigating family relationships, wedding-party language, pronouns, and which traditions you want to keep—or leave behind entirely.There is no single way an LGBTQ+ wedding is supposed to look.

Your wedding can be formal or relaxed, traditional or completely rewritten, held at a Vermont mountain resort, beside Lake Champlain, inside a historic inn, at a barn, or in your own backyard.The important part is that the people working with you understand that your relationship does not need to be translated into someone else's version of a wedding.

As a gay-owned Vermont photography business, that is something I care deeply about when photographing weddings throughout Vermont and New England.

An inclusive wedding is not simply a wedding where LGBTQ+ people are technically welcome.

It is one where couples and guests are treated with respect without constantly having to correct assumptions.That can show up in small but important ways.Your vendors use the names and pronouns you provide.Your photographer does not automatically ask which person is "the bride" or "the groom."

Your planner does not assume wedding parties will be divided by gender. Your officiant uses language that reflects your relationship.Your forms do not force you to choose roles that do not apply. And your family photographs include the people you consider family—whether they are related to you by blood, marriage, friendship, or choice.

The goal is not to make your wedding feel like an "LGBTQ+ version" of someone else's celebration. The goal is to make it feel like your wedding.

One of the most important parts of planning an inclusive wedding in Vermont is choosing vendors who make you feel comfortable from the first conversation.

You should not need to spend your consultation figuring out whether a vendor is going to be respectful.

Questions worth asking potential vendors:

You can ask:

Have you worked with LGBTQ+ couples before?

How do you collect names and pronouns?

Do your contracts and questionnaires use gender-neutral language?

How do you refer to wedding parties?

Are you comfortable working with nontraditional family structures?

Have you worked with couples who are changing or skipping traditional wedding roles?

Do you have LGBTQ+ couples represented in your portfolio?

The answers matter, but so does how they answer.

Someone who becomes uncomfortable with simple questions about inclusion may not be the person you want beside you on your wedding day.

A surprising amount of wedding language is still built around the assumption that every wedding has a bride and a groom.

Yours does not have to. You can use whatever words make sense for you:

(partners, spouses, nearlyweds ,newlyweds ,the couple, your actual names)

The same applies to wedding parties.

You do not need:

bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honor, best man,unless those titles work for your people.

You can use: (wedding party, person of honor, best person, honor attendant, friend, sibling or simply someone's name)

An inclusive wedding gives you permission to ask:

Do we actually want this tradition, or are we doing it because weddings are "supposed" to have it?

For example:

Who walks down the aisle?

Both of you can.

Neither of you can.

You can walk together.

You can each walk with a parent, friend, sibling, or chosen-family member.

You can enter from opposite sides.

You can already be at the ceremony when your guests arrive.

The same goes for:

first looks

bouquet tosses

parent dances

wedding-party entrances

toasts

getting-ready spaces

who stands on which side

who proposes

who changes their name

Keep the traditions that mean something.

Skip the ones that do not.

Family photos can sometimes be one of the more complicated parts of a wedding day, especially when families do not fit neatly into traditional categories.

This is one reason I ask couples about important people ahead of time rather than making assumptions on the wedding day.

Your family-photo list can include:

parents

stepparents

siblings

grandparents

children

chosen family

close friends

mentors

people who helped raise you

anyone else who belongs in your story

You decide who matters. No one else.

A good wedding photographer should not be deciding what counts as a family for you.

A practical tip:

Create a short list of the family combinations you definitely want and identify someone who knows the people involved.

This can help make family photos faster and reduce the amount of time you spend trying to locate someone after the ceremony.

One of the easiest ways a wedding vendor can make someone feel respected—or uncomfortable—is through names and pronouns.

This should be handled before the wedding.

Your photographer, planner, officiant, DJ, venue coordinator, and other vendors should know how you want to be addressed.

The same applies to important members of your wedding party and family when relevant.

Mistakes sometimes happen.

What matters is whether someone listens, corrects themselves, and respects what you have told them.

For my own wedding couples, I would rather know ahead of time than make assumptions.

f you are searching for an LGBTQ+ wedding photographer in Vermont, look beyond the word "inclusive" or "friendly" on someone's website.

Look at how they actually talk about couples.

Look at their portfolio.

Look at their forms.

Look at their reviews.

Look at whether LGBTQ+ couples are visible across the website or only mentioned in a single diversity statement.

And ask yourself a simple question:

Would I feel comfortable spending eight or ten hours around this person on my wedding day?

Your photographer will be around while you get ready, during emotional family moments, throughout the ceremony, and often well into the reception.

You should not need to monitor what you say or explain your relationship while someone is photographing it.

Inclusive wedding photography is not a different style of photography.

It is a different way of working with people.

It can mean:

asking rather than assuming

using the language the couple uses

not assigning poses based on gender

photographing both partners with equal importance

respecting chosen family

understanding different family dynamics

avoiding outdated gender-based instructions

creating a comfortable environment for everyone involved

Instead of:

"Bride, put your hand here. Groom, stand behind her."

I can simply direct the actual people:

"Brian, turn slightly toward Justin."

or:

"Stand close together and look at each other."

The photograph does not need gender roles to work.

When researching wedding venues in Vermont, couples may also want to ask how the venue handles inclusion.

Useful questions include:

Does the venue use gender-neutral language in its materials?

Are restrooms available that work for all guests?

Has the venue hosted LGBTQ+ weddings before?

Does the staff receive any inclusion training?

Will your names and preferred language be used in signage and communication?

How flexible is the venue about ceremony traditions and wedding-party structure?

You are not being difficult by asking these questions.

You are determining whether a business is a good fit for one of the most personal days of your life.